DayZ Tales – The Society of Useless Gentleman

After me and a friend got glitch-killed (a bandit clipped through wall and shot us both, complete bullshit) we spawned coincidentally next to each other, and with a new friend. This person was pretty fucking crazy, but in a funny way. After doing the DayZ friendly dance, bad Russian accents and messing about with other gestures, the three of us decided to team up. But, just as we were about to set out for Elektro (for some, unfathomable reason) we were greeted by another person wearing an orange hard hat. This is when the Society of Useless Gentleman (TSOUG) started.

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There was me, “other guy” who talked in a horrible Russian accent. There was also my friend, “other guy” who was pretty much the leader of this group. There was also “red shirt”, the crazy guy we knew little of. And “Russian guy”, who was Russian.

So we set off southwards, towards the notorious Elektro – also known as sniper city (because snipers/arseholes were common there). We started with the standard noob gear, except every house we came across was already looted. All we could do was drink the marsh water and hold our grumbling stomachs. After a jog, talking nonsensical rubbish and sticking the finger up at trees (later we made this the Society’s salute), we arrived at a little coastal village where we encountered our first zombie. Strength in numbers is what made TSOUG great. After shrugging off the zombie, we encountered another player, “black guy” because he was black. This person spoke with a stereotypical Pakistani accent, even though it was clear he was white. This fellow had a backpack, which obviously set him apart from the Useless Gentleman. We didn’t take kindly to him, he did not contain the Useless Traits that Useless Gentleman should have. So after some pot-shots he had at us, we beat him to death.

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After the “black guy affair” we made it to Elektro. We were craving food, all we had on us were the clothes on our backs. It was then clear that Elektro was not a friendly place. Russian guy got shot. Red shirt was torn apart, he made a glorious sprint to the hostile inhabited hospital and retrieved a defibrillator, but it was too late. Russian guy was gone. Red shirt then charged the two murderers in the hospital, but he too perished. Then my friend and I charged in, giving up our lives for the memory of Russian guy.

RIP Russian guy 2014-2014

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